Julian Barnes to be ‘the new face of MacDonalds’

 

Food giant McDonalds today stunned both the literary and food-retailing worlds by announcing that it has signed up Man Booker prize winner Barnes to be ‘the face of the brand’ in the UK.

‘We considered quite a few names,’ a spokesperson said, ‘the usual suspects like Chris Moyles and Carol Voordeman and that fat one off Big Brother, but somehow Julian just increasingly seemed like the inevitable choice. We think he’ll give our customer base a new and enriched sense of the ways in which time and memory interact, in which the single, lived moment, the moment lived in time, is refracted and distorted through desire, memory, fantasy and, ultimately, hope. In a sesame bun.’

Barnes is believed to have agreed to lead a team tasked with designing a new meal experience, one that poses a delicate fusion, or interposition, between trans fats and the melancholy but essential realisation of how partial, how illusory, is the intangible relationship between the individual and what he calls his history, how history itself represents only the willed imaginings of the remembering mind. The team are aiming to bring in the new Barnes Meal Deal at below the £4.99 price mark.

A spokesperson for Mr Barnes was unable to answer questions relating to the remuneration package earlier today. ‘Let’s just say it makes the Booker look like a meat raffle,’ he said.