Want to win an iPad?

What is  –  iPad?

iPad is a revolutionary new device that allows you to:

•look at pictures

•watch films

•read books

•go on the internet.

(NB: None of these activities has been possible before.)

How to Win:

1. Find a competition that offers an iPad as a prize.

2. Enter the competition. (This is a crucially important step. You increase your chances of winning an iPad by as much as 38% by actually entering a competition.)

3. Win the competition.

It’s that easy!

Next week, how to win a Lear Jet!

8 thoughts on “Want to win an iPad?

  1. No1 fan says:

    Please run compettion for all your fans across the world. But only for your true fans who having read all your books. Not poeple who having read one only. I read every your books many time.

    My best prize would be win a day with Simon Maginn but a week would be betterest please. Bester even a whole month.

    If I win I to stay with you and spend all time asking all importent questions about you books. Like in Rattus is hero me? I now we never meet but still I am thinking I in all your books. Is strange yes?

    If I win I bring beans. I only eat beans beacuse I allergical. I can give some beans if you like beans too.

    Please make competition and I enter. Please tell if i win.

    Your fan (no1)

    • Hello No 1 fan. Many of my fans find it useful to have a shrine, perhaps in the bedroom? Also, an opportunity has arisen for Official Stalker (the last holder of this prestigious position is regrettably unable to continue, due to an ongoing legal proceeding, and seems in any case to have ‘disappeared’). It’s a great opportunity, and the package includes full dental and psychiatric, plus a generous bonus for standing outside the house with a banner, screaming. No experience necessary, or even desirable. I’ll put your name in the hat.

      • No1 fan says:

        Did I win in hat? Please to tell.

        When I stalking, not woryy you about disappear as I make sure you always see me (but only out of eye corner). Also if I official stalker is there badge to wearing?

        I hope I have win because now I hiding in bilge on oil tanker going your country. Kapitan has taken all my money but he say I keep all my beans so that OK.

    • People of Sweden, I applaud and endorse you. Unfortunately, due to some bureaucratic mix-up, you have won, but what you’ve won is a hat, a somewhat battered fedora. It might help to keep the oil off. There will be a welcome at the dockside, you can be sure of that. Wear the hat with pride. Jaunty, like.

      • People of Sweden says:

        Right, we’re on our way. Just got to make sure we turned the gas off. And leave a note for the milkman. Actually, no, he’s coming too.

        There’s only 9,259,000 of us, sorry there’s not more (oh hang on, now it’s 9,259,001..). We don’t mind sleeping on the floor. Do you have beans?

  2. Debra says:

    Hi Simon. A few years ago, when I was in my late 30s, I read ‘As Good As it Gets’. I thought it was hilarious – definitely one of the funniest books I’ve ever read, although I found the rude bits a challenge. Until I saw your photo on the site, I’d imagined you must be a woman, writing under cover! That’s not meant to be a slight – quite the opposite, in fact. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for that book and I wish you all the best with your next one(s).

    • Hi Debra. I’m delighted you liked it: I certainly had a ball writing it. No, not an undercover woman, I’m sorry to say. Purely out of curiosity, what was it about the book that made you think that? It can be difficult for men to write books that women will like, and vice versa. Whenever I try to visualise a reader, I often come up with a woman, oddly enough. *Promo alert*: Give Whitehawk a try. It’s about a (woman) social worker and a family from hell. It’s something like ‘1984 meets Cold Comfort Farm on a housing estate in Brighton’. Not as many ‘rude bits’ as As Good As, you’ll be pleased to hear. Only one, in fact. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.
      Thanks for your message. Lovely to hear from you. Simon x.

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